why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
