He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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