this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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