oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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