You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
