u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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