Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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