Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
