I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
