You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize