So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
