I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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