Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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