just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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