im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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