summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
