i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
