YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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