just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just invented taco cereal.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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