when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
