Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Even my vagina gasped.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
