if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
