forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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