he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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