i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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