Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She even gives head with a lisp.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
