btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
