Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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