I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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