I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
