She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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