You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
NoShamevember. You game?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
