you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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