My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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