way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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