Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
