I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
