so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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