And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
