I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
