kristin has been a bad kristin
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't deserve a penis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
