Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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