Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
