well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
