Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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