You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
