Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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