Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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