I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
