remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
