I wish I could teleport
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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