I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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