Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
