i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
