we have pet lesbian snakes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
