He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
