Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
