i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
