I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We talked him into tasing himself.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
