He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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