is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
