I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
